Time, Healing, Grief, and Curtain Rods

I'll begin by saying that there is no one who knows the full story. It's too much for me to keep track of, much less someone who is standing on the sidelines or simply passing by. Suffice it to say that there are 40-plus years of 24/7 'events' that go beyond the norm. And that's putting it mildly.

That's my lead-in to explain the 'curtain rod' part of the blog title. Another 'other world' occurrence that is normal for me but not so much to others. It is 6:00am, still dark outside. The windows are closed against the chill in the air and the rain being scattered around by the wind. These particular curtains that keep me from seeing the world outside have what I call 'pull rods.' You know those rods that attach to the top of the curtain and hang down so that you can easily draw them? There are two of them to a set of curtains. One for the curtain that draws to the right. One for the left. (But you knew that without me telling you .. smile.)

The air in the room is still. The curtains are still. And I am still. Lost in thought, I stare across the room without seeing. That is until movement catches my eye. One of the curtain rods is swinging wildly. Spinning clockwise. Without a pause it turns to spin counter-clockwise. Now side to side. And back to spinning. The curtain is still. The other rod is still. The air is still. This rod has gone manic. But of course that's not possible.

You would have to be me, I suppose, with (again) 24/7 situations like this for many years, to understand what I did next. I decided to ask it what was going on. Does a curtain rod speak? Probably not. But whatever force was moving it does.

"You need to write the blog you're thinking about." The voice was out loud and crystal clear. It almost had a tangible quality to it, it was that powerful.

I actually had thought about a blog earlier this morning but had decided that it was unnecessary. Apparently 'someone' disagreed with my decision. The very second I opened this blog and typed the title, the rod became utterly still. Maybe it's my wild imagination but, as I type this, I feel as though it's watching me, preparing to go into wild gyrations if I change my mind about writing. Yes. Yes. I know it sounds weird. But then again ... my life is weird.

Do I feel bossed around by a curtain rod? hummm...... Let me think about that.

Well, let's get down to the reason for this blog that I wasn't going to write.

The day began with the thought of how many talented and great souls have left the planet in an amazingly short period of time. In three weeks we have probably lost more people than we have in a 'normal' 6-month period of time. I assume there's a party that we're not invited to? What great talent ... and our world will be lesser for it.

The thought of those left behind came to me, of course, which turned my thoughts to the 'process' of grief. They say that time heals all. I disagree. Time does not heal us when we are touched by grief. We are changed. We are different. We will never be the same. We learn to adapt. We bring our scars into our way of being and we learn to be someone we never thought we would be.

There is a sadness that lingers in the background of every thought. The world marches on but we see it differently. Our hearts respond to every word with a heightened sense of awareness of the energy behind that word. There is a new awareness behind the numbness that the scars bring into our world. What heals us is our adaptation to who we are now and the letting-go of who we were then. Everything happens for a reason and much of the time we will never know what the reason is. There is a certain level of peace that comes with that acceptance.

I feel tremendously blessed to have found my way to a much deeper level of understanding through the path of grief. I spoke of that in an earlier blog. Quite simply ... one cannot know God without knowing the scars of God. I imagine the pain we cause each other is, on many levels, the pain that God has to absorb. Heal. Accept. Whatever word you may wish to put to this.

Now to the bottom line 'message' of why this blog came to my thoughts in the first place. Some may have noticed, as the days, weeks, and now months, have passed, that I grow quieter. I think it became even more evident after a recent encounter with God. The words spoken to me were: "You are in a human body but you are no longer in the human experience."

That may seem like a dichotomy to many but it is completely understandable to me. And feels like a Truth that is so deep it touches the marrow of my bones. My soul's path has always been my primary concern/focus and ignoring what 'the world may think' barely comes into my thought processes. Which means that I am largely misunderstood, often judged, and rarely embraced for the choices I make. That said, I am in a place of making choices that may impact everything.

Following a life-changing .. soul-changing .. day (event) that will forever live in my soul's memory, I made my life all about helping others. I reached out to people around the world and offered my assistance in every way that I could manage. I received blessing after blessing as people allowed me to help them awaken to the truth of who they are, take their power back and claim their lives, find their purpose, and raise their vibration to their highest potential. I am honored, blessed, and tear-filled as I witness the changes in the lives of the people I've connected with.

As huge as the blessings were for me, and as grateful as I am to everyone who allowed me to touch their lives, I've come to realize that it's time to address a deeper level of healing for myself. I have changed in ways that I didn't think possible and have not given myself time to adjust to those changes. Nor time to realize what those changes mean to the rest of my life. I am going forward as a person who is entirely different than I ever thought I would be. And it's time to honor those changes and allow them to show me where my soul needs to go.

I don't know for certain where I'm going or what will happen next but those things don't concern me. I walk in total faith and Absolute Knowing that my moments are led by God. But what does concern me is the possibility that anyone might take my changes personally. My silence is a necessity as I dive deeper into my relationship with God. It does not exclude anyone, though it may appear that way. I believe, with my soul, that the healing of one helps the healing of ALL. What affects one, affects ALL. It is my Intention that, as my energy changes and heals, that ALL who share this planet will be touched by the healing. It is my hope that no one on this planet goes untouched by the touches that God gives to me.

With this, I can say ... web sites may change, social interactions will change, blogs/books/etc. may change. What will NOT change is my soul's love for every other soul and for this incredibly beautiful planet we share. My heart goes out to all who experience difficult times and the Knowing that I can share with you is that God sees every nano-second of your experience. You are not separate and you are not alone.

And the curtain rod is now still. I guess I have said what needed to be said.

With love to ALL from my soul to yours.
Lauren Zimmerman, www.nlightpress.com









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