Time, Healing, Grief, and Curtain Rods

I'll begin by saying that there is no one who knows the full story. It's too much for me to keep track of, much less someone who is standing on the sidelines or simply passing by. Suffice it to say that there are 40-plus years of 24/7 'events' that go beyond the norm. And that's putting it mildly.

That's my lead-in to explain the 'curtain rod' part of the blog title. Another 'other world' occurrence that is normal for me but not so much to others. It is 6:00am, still dark outside. The windows are closed against the chill in the air and the rain being scattered around by the wind. These particular curtains that keep me from seeing the world outside have what I call 'pull rods.' You know those rods that attach to the top of the curtain and hang down so that you can easily draw them? There are two of them to a set of curtains. One for the curtain that draws to the right. One for the left. (But you knew that without me telling you .. smile.)

The air in the room is still. The curtains are still. And I am still. Lost in thought, I stare across the room without seeing. That is until movement catches my eye. One of the curtain rods is swinging wildly. Spinning clockwise. Without a pause it turns to spin counter-clockwise. Now side to side. And back to spinning. The curtain is still. The other rod is still. The air is still. This rod has gone manic. But of course that's not possible.

You would have to be me, I suppose, with (again) 24/7 situations like this for many years, to understand what I did next. I decided to ask it what was going on. Does a curtain rod speak? Probably not. But whatever force was moving it does.

"You need to write the blog you're thinking about." The voice was out loud and crystal clear. It almost had a tangible quality to it, it was that powerful.

I actually had thought about a blog earlier this morning but had decided that it was unnecessary. Apparently 'someone' disagreed with my decision. The very second I opened this blog and typed the title, the rod became utterly still. Maybe it's my wild imagination but, as I type this, I feel as though it's watching me, preparing to go into wild gyrations if I change my mind about writing. Yes. Yes. I know it sounds weird. But then again ... my life is weird.

Do I feel bossed around by a curtain rod? hummm...... Let me think about that.

Well, let's get down to the reason for this blog that I wasn't going to write.

The day began with the thought of how many talented and great souls have left the planet in an amazingly short period of time. In three weeks we have probably lost more people than we have in a 'normal' 6-month period of time. I assume there's a party that we're not invited to? What great talent ... and our world will be lesser for it.

The thought of those left behind came to me, of course, which turned my thoughts to the 'process' of grief. They say that time heals all. I disagree. Time does not heal us when we are touched by grief. We are changed. We are different. We will never be the same. We learn to adapt. We bring our scars into our way of being and we learn to be someone we never thought we would be.

There is a sadness that lingers in the background of every thought. The world marches on but we see it differently. Our hearts respond to every word with a heightened sense of awareness of the energy behind that word. There is a new awareness behind the numbness that the scars bring into our world. What heals us is our adaptation to who we are now and the letting-go of who we were then. Everything happens for a reason and much of the time we will never know what the reason is. There is a certain level of peace that comes with that acceptance.

I feel tremendously blessed to have found my way to a much deeper level of understanding through the path of grief. I spoke of that in an earlier blog. Quite simply ... one cannot know God without knowing the scars of God. I imagine the pain we cause each other is, on many levels, the pain that God has to absorb. Heal. Accept. Whatever word you may wish to put to this.

Now to the bottom line 'message' of why this blog came to my thoughts in the first place. Some may have noticed, as the days, weeks, and now months, have passed, that I grow quieter. I think it became even more evident after a recent encounter with God. The words spoken to me were: "You are in a human body but you are no longer in the human experience."

That may seem like a dichotomy to many but it is completely understandable to me. And feels like a Truth that is so deep it touches the marrow of my bones. My soul's path has always been my primary concern/focus and ignoring what 'the world may think' barely comes into my thought processes. Which means that I am largely misunderstood, often judged, and rarely embraced for the choices I make. That said, I am in a place of making choices that may impact everything.

Following a life-changing .. soul-changing .. day (event) that will forever live in my soul's memory, I made my life all about helping others. I reached out to people around the world and offered my assistance in every way that I could manage. I received blessing after blessing as people allowed me to help them awaken to the truth of who they are, take their power back and claim their lives, find their purpose, and raise their vibration to their highest potential. I am honored, blessed, and tear-filled as I witness the changes in the lives of the people I've connected with.

As huge as the blessings were for me, and as grateful as I am to everyone who allowed me to touch their lives, I've come to realize that it's time to address a deeper level of healing for myself. I have changed in ways that I didn't think possible and have not given myself time to adjust to those changes. Nor time to realize what those changes mean to the rest of my life. I am going forward as a person who is entirely different than I ever thought I would be. And it's time to honor those changes and allow them to show me where my soul needs to go.

I don't know for certain where I'm going or what will happen next but those things don't concern me. I walk in total faith and Absolute Knowing that my moments are led by God. But what does concern me is the possibility that anyone might take my changes personally. My silence is a necessity as I dive deeper into my relationship with God. It does not exclude anyone, though it may appear that way. I believe, with my soul, that the healing of one helps the healing of ALL. What affects one, affects ALL. It is my Intention that, as my energy changes and heals, that ALL who share this planet will be touched by the healing. It is my hope that no one on this planet goes untouched by the touches that God gives to me.

With this, I can say ... web sites may change, social interactions will change, blogs/books/etc. may change. What will NOT change is my soul's love for every other soul and for this incredibly beautiful planet we share. My heart goes out to all who experience difficult times and the Knowing that I can share with you is that God sees every nano-second of your experience. You are not separate and you are not alone.

And the curtain rod is now still. I guess I have said what needed to be said.

With love to ALL from my soul to yours.
Lauren Zimmerman, www.nlightpress.com









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In the Dream..........

In the dream that was not a dream I sat perched on the wide, wooden railing of the porch. The wood was slightly rotting, the building's white paint peeling from the years and the dampness in the air. The porch was wide, with small tables and old, lay-back-and-rest chairs. People were talking amongst themselves as I sat contemplating the distant range of mountains and the slowly setting sun. God was painting the sky with the solemn but beautiful colors of a day ending. It crossed my mind to point the beauty out to the others but, with a quick glance, I knew they were in conversations that had no place for the ending of the day.

I turned back to the beauty of the day and night merging and became lost in the silence of my own mind. Suddenly a movement startled me. I blinked in shock as a brilliant-white dove flew to me. He rested for a brief second on my chest, his feet clinging to my blouse, his eyes gazing into mine. Perhaps it was two seconds, perhaps it was ten. He waited until I had fully registered his presence and his message and then took flight. I was stunned by the magic of his presence and the gift of his touch. And on his back had been written words painted with the brush of calligraphy. Letters painted with gentle swirls of a message I knew was from God.

The air whispered and told me that the words were from The Book of John. My heart somehow knew that the dove's name was John as well.

After a brief second of holding the miracle in my own silence I jumped up and ran to the others. Please listen to the miracle, to all of the miracles, I called. They shushed me and turned me away. I was interrupting them. Unfazed, I walked back to the railing and rested my palms on the rough, splintery wood. The sun was giving the day to the moon. The wings of the dove could be heard in the distance as it flew away from the gift it had just given.









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The Forever Wound

This blog is not what it might seem to be, in the beginning of it. Read on.........


It was not something I expected. Not even something I would have imagined or predicted. A morning like every other was to become the first step into a deeper reality. A deeper understanding of God.


Since my 'death' in 1974 the entirety of my life has been a quest for Divine Union with God. To have been in that Presence and been 'put back' into this reality created such a dichotomy within me that, honestly, I had no choice but to chase the dream, so to speak. With that quiet voice as my constant companion, I followed every step asked of me. I ended up marveling over the degree of pain that I experienced by following what I call Divine Direction. It was, of course, a question in my mind. Why did the quest for God lead to such extreme pain? What was I meant to learn? And as the experiences grew in intensity, the question became almost moot. It is what it is until it isn't any more.

When I thought I had experienced the worst of the worst I think God must have shaken his finger at me with a 'no no no' gesture. Unfortunately, I didn't see that and so walked unknowingly into something that annihilated me completely. Of course it was meant to be. It was my destiny. And if I'd seen it coming of course I would have run the other way. But I wasn't meant to run the other way. I was meant to discover that the soul can be wounded and the soul can be scarred. I had not known that prior to my run-in with the most extreme pain God had to dole out. I spent two years trying to get to the lesson and understanding. And it was such an ah-ha moment when God touched me, on this morning, and explained, that I knew my life, possibly my soul, would never be the same.



I felt His Presence in a way I'd never felt it before. So physically in the room that every atom of my body reacted. I actually felt the cells inside me shift and change as they absorbed the truth that a visitation like no other was taking place. I stepped into my internal silence in a way I hadn't done in years and simply listened.

"There are wounds that change the soul. Yes. Every soul will encounter them. The quest for Oneness with God, for understanding of God, demands it. And every soul will survive it. Yes.

"It is not the dying of a loved one, for all souls are eternal and will meet again. It is not the loss of riches. It is not the hunger, the sickness, the murder, or the greed. It is not the expected pain.

"It is the experience of giving the gift of God through the love you offer and finding out that it has no value. It is not that you have no value, for that is a lie and is based upon the human experience, illusion, ego, and falsities of that temporary experience. It is the utter abandonment of all things temporary and the offering of all things eternal; and that offering receives not only a blind eye but an action akin to killing a soul. It is those moments when you offer the Infinite Soul and another Infinite Soul knowingly destroys with actions of non-love."

"Can you tell me why such an experience is necessary in order to know God?" I asked quietly.

"How can you know God if you do not know the scars of God? The scars that come when one Child can utterly disregard another Child of God. The scars of God when only Love is offered ... but remains unseen.

"One would be oblivious to Truth if one thought that existence and all of its events do not impact the Presence of God. If all is energy, and all energy impacts all energy, how could one assume that God is not impacted as well?"

The Voice grew quieter than a whisper. "God offers only love. How often is that accepted? All suffering caused by one Child upon another would end if all Children knew the love God offers. Can anyone possibly believe that God does not see the Child who turns away from the love of God that is offered?"



The words will forever echo in my soul. "How can you know God if you do not know the scars of God?"

Scars caused by indifference.

God is not indifferent.













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